i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
