Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize