The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
