I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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