is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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