I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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