I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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