I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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