i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
