I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is wine microwaveable?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
