my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
