yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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