Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
