The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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