spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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