I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
