sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
me + whiskey = a bad person
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