I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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