so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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