I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
