i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
