it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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