Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
