all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
