I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
