i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
