I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
