i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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