He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
