I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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