his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
