no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
