Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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