We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
