He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
