Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
