Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
