shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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