I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
