Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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