Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
