Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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