hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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