: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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