I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
