So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
