Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
