He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
worst night to have a conscience
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
