I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize