do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
