me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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