why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we're making bets on your personal life
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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