Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
