He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
