sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
