I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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