Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
