apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
