cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
