seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize