If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
