just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sorry about my life...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
